I know I told you that I made not one, but three different kinds of cupcakes for Andrea's fancy rooftop birthday party, but I also made another sweet treat.
Over Christmas Seth and Andrea were traveling. And when they got back they had a farewell to 2B party and bestowed upon me a most generous holiday gift:
That is right folks a penis cake pan. Golly they know me so well (blush). Of course I go to so many hen's nights, passion parties, and debaucherous dance parties that
naturally I would have endless use for this gift. At that moment I was bound and determined to find the perfect occasion to make these sweet treats. And boy did I ever.
Once I heard the birthday plans I knew that these babies would make their debut. I decided I would make them penis twinkies because then they would be cream filled... Yeah.
So I started to look up twinkie recipes and much to my chagrin there weren't any from scratch. They all used boxed cake mix - WHA? - with some egg whites, shortening, and marshmallow fluff. Now I am so hardcore that I usually make my own marshmallow fluff, but I figured since I was making a twinkie I should make them ghetto style as instructed.
 |
| The dreaded box cake and egg whites |
|
|
|
I followed the recipe I had word for word, but the texture of the cake seemed really dense and strange so naturally I started to mess with it. If there is one thing I know it is twinkies.
An aside: When I was a little girl, and even now, my father would take me and my sister fishing - yes I fish - and we would stop off for "instant pick me ups." Which consisted of a sugary juice drink and any Hostess product we wanted. My sissy always chose the Hostess cupcakes and would peel the frosting off the top and save it for last and I would change it up a bit, but my fave was always the Twinkie - and sometime Snoballs. Don't you judge!
The texture was more like pudding than cake batter so I went to my trusty cupboard and pulled out the vegetable oil and a bit of milk. I got it to the texture I wanted and popped those puppies in the oven.
 |
| Lubed up and ready to be cooked. I hope these puppies come out in one piece! |
Thankfully they did. They were golden brown and good enough to be swallowed in one bite.
 |
| The Penises waiting to be filled |
I let them cool and moved on to the filling. Which consisted of vegetable shortening, vanilla, and marshmallow fluff. Once I made the filling I just had to figure out how to fill them effectively. Now naturally I wanted the cream to be through the whole Penkie - Penis Twinkie? - but the tip was too delicate - omg - so I had to think of another way. So I went with one long poke through the scrotum and mini pokes along the shaft. *blushing* But how? How would I penetrate it without making the hole too big and without compromising the cake? CHOP STICKS!?! Yes! Lizzie I am certain you didn't think I would be doing this with those fancy chop sticks you gave me:
 |
| Hilarity. Pure Hilarity. |
|
I mean in all honesty I felt a little like Marge Simpson in that episode where she has a job making dirty cakes. So funny.
 |
| Mission Accomplished: Penkies |
|
|
The best part is that my dear friend works at the U.N. and he decided that he was going to reserve some of these loverly penises for the upper level diplomats. So funny. Ahhh, now what is a birthday without some good old fashioned Penkies?
 |
| No words. |
0 Comments